Hurting myself

Life hurts, my consequences consume me.
This crosses that I bare, it keeps me from being free.
Struggling to swallow, trying to gasp for air.
Trying not to cry, day and night, and I’m not even aware.

I’m sorry my friends, you don’t even see through me.
Admiring my strength, my wisdom, but I just want to flee.
To the sun, to the heavens above where I’m clean again.
To a place where I can laugh and play and feel light, my friends.

Teardrops on the tips of my lids, skin always damp.
Barely recognizing myself in the mirror.. this old vamp.
Shivering and shaking, making myself nauseous.
Living on a fine thin line… tired of being cautious.

My skin is cracking, my shame starting to show.
As long as I keep smiling, I guess no one will know.
Spiralling down this tunnel… my body is left bruised.
Why am I hurting all these people? Or am I the one being used?

Wanting to hide, from you and everyone around.
Trying to escape this oppression, running without a sound.
Shhhh .. this is my motto. But I’m shouting at you all.
Listen very closely. Can’t you hear me call?