Lust

Guess i never thought it would be this way,
after all these years we are finally over,
we haven't been together for a while ,
but this is our final split.
There is nothing left now,
even when i hated you and you thought i was a b.i.t.c.h.,
one thing remained,
not love but lust.
I guess it seemed like we would always want each other,
chemistry they called it and we had it by the bucket load,
but last night you said we had lost the one thing that truly kept us together,
lust,
we went from teenage lust to adult lust over the years,
but it always remained,
now we have nothing.
When i asked why you said i was different,
you said i was just like all the other girls.
You were one of the few childhood things i had left,
we liked each other at 11 and we still liked each other at 18.
But then i went to uni,
and i know i\'ve changed,
i\'m happy and confident to be me.
How does make me different i asked,
you complained that i didn\'t listen properly anymore.
And then i realised what it was,
love,
i don\'t love you anymore and i guess it shows.
I no longer lap up every word you say and i answer back with my own opinion now.
You didn\'t fancy me anymore because i didn\'t love you anymore.
Thinking back i see how unfair our relationship was.
You said love was a social construct designed to tie us down,
after one teenage heartbreak you gave up on love altogether,
and it hurt because i never caused that heartbreak,
a girl you dated when we were 16 did,
and yet you still strung me along.
You broke my heart more times than i can remember and i came back for more,
i wanted the one thing i now know you could never give me,
your love,
And i have spent all day moping around because i wasted 7 years on you,
all my teenage years,
half my childhood on a weak, selfish boy.
And i never knew,
i am ashamed at myself for not spotting it sooner,
before you broke and trod on my heart.
Now i don\'t feel right,
im judging myself more.
For all those years there was someone i could go to,
who would flirt outrageously,
and make me feel special and wanted,
now i don\'t know what to do,
every other guy i compare to you.
They don\'t look like you or act the same,
they don\'t make my stomach somersault just by looking at me.
Your lust for me was a constant in my life,
i never had many of them,
and slowly the few that i had are all leaving,
first granddad, then school and now you.
I wrote years ago when you were with her,
\"How can i go on being me without you?\"
now i don\'t have any choice, and all i want to do is cry!

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Sorry it's so long but i feel a hell of a lot better now hehe!!!