Forced Into Silence

Lost in thought, I'm unaware of everyone.
They all ask what's wrong,
Yet I don't have the strength to tell them.
I simply whisper that everything's fine.

My mask has faded, I'm no longer able to pretend.
I used to be able to fake my smile.
Yet, now that I've let the mask slip,
I'm no longer able to play this game.

The rare days where everything
Seems to catch up to me, I can't fake it.
He notices and he searches for the answers.
Yet, he finds none. None other than my lie.
They notice, yet they say nothing.
They know nothing of what I went though.

Screaming inside, I shut everything out.
I want to speak to someone,
Yet the only one who knows the truth
Doesn't listen to me anymore.

She always talks about her life.
She doesn't stop long enough
To think about asking me how I'm going.
She simply rambles on about herself.

On the rare occasions where she does ask,
As I begin to tell her,
She suddenly remembers something
That she just HAS to tell me.

Forced to silence my thoughts,
I continue pretending I'm all right,
When somedays, I'm simply not.
With no one to turn to anymore,
I simply keep my thoughts to myself.

Just when I begin to decide
That I should tell my friends the truth about myself,
They start talking about Angelina Jolie
And about how she used to self-mutilate.

The look on their faces shows the disgust
I'm unable to put into words.
Just as I'm about to really open up,
I shut my mouth tight, prisoner.

My friend sends me sideways glances,
Trying to see the expression on my face.
I simply look at the floor
And smile and nod at everything they say.
You see, she's the only one who knows the truth.
She's the one who helped me
Through the tough times.

Although I could not possibly thank her enough
For what she has helped me overcome,
I still feel a certain emptiness.
I still feel a need to talk to someone.

Forced to silence my thoughts,
I continue pretending I'm all right,
When somedays, I'm simply not.
With no one to turn to anymore,
I simply keep my thoughts to myself.

*def not my best... i just had to get it out.