I'm drowning in loneliness,
A puddle of doubt that calls and consumes.
You are everywhere and nowhere,
I see you in the clouds, in the rivers, in the mirror,
I see you in my heart.
You are gone, torn from life like a page from a book,
A simple motion, one fingers movement,
Like the gentle caress of lover,
The lover you were to me.
Scarlet forever, a slow motion waterfall,
Angry and harsh,
Staining your innocence.
Your perfection tainted by absence,
Your eyes emptying,
Your soft lips whispering your love
As you fall and fly.
Warmth and motion,
In heart and soul, draining.
Filling me with your finality,
Your oceanic stare as dead as history.
Everywhere and nowhere,
All and nothing.
Seconds of eternity
Before the eternity of despair.
Rolling English landscape,
Embracing my pain,
The hollow shell of who you made,
Each blade of grass whispering in the breeze,
And conveying your love to me.
Each moment longer than the last,
Shorter than the next.
Each beat of my heart,
Drumming my soul into Hell.
The song of forgiveness,
A party track for which I have no dance,
The path of the murderous I tread,
Blood coursing and coating.
To the mouth of Hell I fly,
On wings of danger and fear.
I'm a void, once filled with hope,
Now empty without your love.
We were meant to be forever,
You were meant to hold my hand,
I was meant to protect you.
I failed you.
I loved you.
I killed you.
I saw your spirit as it said goodbye.
I kissed you as you screamed.
I felt you as you left.
I loved you as you died.
I held the empty shell, the beautiful shell,
You once inhabited.
I believed in us,
Believed in you.
Without you, I am nothing,
I am broken, alone and worthless.
To awaken in a sea of endless pain,
And welcome its deadly embrace,
Before having the life belt of friendship,
Ripping me from my destiny.
You live in the whiteness of purity,
I can watch from the sidelines,
Never to swim in your eyes,
To bathe in your light,
To love in your embrace.
You live in the eternity that we should have shared,
While I die in the life that we made.
It's no death known to man,
I walk, I talk, I breathe and yet I am lifeless.
My own life spilt its ugly red self,
On that frozen May day,
I live in that second, those thunderous smashes,
I live in the death that should have been mine,
Would have been mine had I loved you.
I was meant to protect you,
To love you,
To keep you safe from harm.
I should have saved your light,
Shown it to the world.
Now my darkness thrives.
Without you all is black,
The world is missing its shining star.
I failed you.
I need you.
I miss you.
I love you.
But I still went on and killed you.
