Nights That Lie Ahead

"Is there anybody out there?"
I whispered through the dark.
The sound was hollow and empty,
Yet I could feel it in my heart.

I hid the knife behind my back,
And smeared the bloodstained note.
One too many painkillers that night,
And my heart beat in my throat.

I tried to erase you from my mind,
As easily as I wiped away your note
But the pain that intoxicated me then
Was much deeper than what I wrote.

I held onto shaking palms,
Felt the tears freeze on my face,
Silently whispered three strong words
That I wish I could erase.

"Die!" I screamed when all else failed,
And I was tightening the noose.
"Just die!" I begged softly and cried,
But the begging was no use.

Deprived of words, all I have are thoughts,
Incoherent at times, but true
Most of the time I keep to myself,
But this time I reached out to you.

And this is what I get for love,
Agony too potent to exist,
Yet placed upon my broken heart,
And scribbled on my wrist.

That night I laid there dying.
Afraid for the end and being alone
But I've been dying all my life,
I've just finally reached the unknown.

"When I wake up, I'll be dead"
My heart barely audible in my ears,
Softly pounding me to sleep,
My eyes filled with frozen tears.

Soon enough I fell to sleep,
A dreamless sleep, but eyes still crying.
Numb to life and all its mistakes,
But I came so close to dying.

Morning lights never were so bright,
And my heart was never quite so dead
Broken hearts never were so alive
Knowing I had more nights left ahead.