Confused

I don't really know
how it will end
hell even how
is should start

i wish i knew
when, where, how
i don't even care
shes happy now

i know it wont happen
all i can do is hope
hope it all works
works out for the best

i wish i could
explain myself without
without changing everything
no one knows, no one cares

at least i think
thats how it should be
i don't understand
what had to be done

but for some way
for some reason
i feel its right
i feel its wrong

but i was always
scared this would happen
i feel gone...lost
wont see what i have

or even understand
what i have or
should i say
had going for me

never free, never fear
the way it is
the way i live
its so constricting

so controlling
nothing i can do about it
cant scream or yell
even spill for that matter

i guess ill have
have to deal with the way
things are. tough it out
ill only live life for me and me only

only because i try to help
it makes things worse
the more i keep to myself
the better i see