Rescue us

I like the message you have tried to give through this poem and it is very clear. All of us are digging our grave, but we have not gone beyond that point from where we cannot return. There is still hope, and only if we start to think as human first. Forgetting about religiond, countries and all the other things and think of all the human race as one.

Well. This has a unique twist to it. =] I like the repetition of "rescue us" it gives the poem a sound of quiet desperation that comes from hanging over the edge.

Rescue us from the down pour
and the ice within our veins
where ever i look around me
there's death and crashing planes

Bad news, all the time. We live in a world of death and destruction and that's all we ever hear about on the news. It's sad really, and you hit it very nicely in this opening lines, it really sets up the poem well.

rescue us from each other
for we are killing all we know
and at the end of the madness
what will there be left to show

It just screams we're our own worst enemies, because we are. It's well written here, war, famine, poverty, all of it runs rampant all over the world. Might I take the time to say this is very well structured.

rescue us from natures hand
and our cities will not flood
but instead of stopping death
we prefer to shed our blood

In our modernization we have staved off most of the more natural form of death, flood, earthquakes, etc.. but in our own cruelty, we kill more people ourselves than nature ever did. Slightly ironic? I think so

rescue us from burning flames
from our lands covered in smoke
inhaling on the rotten fumes
on which ourselves only choke

We did that one to ourselves, pollution all over the place. It's just another form of killing ourselves really, so it ties in very nicely with the previous stanza.

rescue us from the dark side
on which none of us should tread
but there's a constant battle within us
that plays trickery in our head

It seems to me that the battle is between what is right, and what is easy. Just because something is easy doesn't always make it the right thing to do. But we're humans, so easy is much more attractive...

rescue us because we need it
but who's left to save the day
we're all under the same spell
we are the predator and the prey

This is a great ending, it builds and builds and then explodes like an atom bomb right here at the end. The predator and prey wording takes us back to nature. You raise some interesting questions with that notion, is what we're doing natural? maybe this progression is just nature's way of getting rid of us? Who knows. It's very well done and you take the flow of your poem by the reigns and ride it around at full tilt. It's very well done. The human race needs to rescue itself. It needs one brave soul to step up and say "Hey, quit being a bunch of idiots. We're killing ourselves." Thank you for such an interesting read. =]

5/5

*Danielle

The flow is excellent and I liked your choice of words.

I know I keep saying this, but I honestly love this poem. especially these lines:

"rescue us from the dark side
on which none of us should tread
but there's a constant battle within us
that plays trickery in our head"

I wish more people wrote like this. honest thought-provoking poetry. This had a great message to it, i'm adding it to my favorites.

Geez, I'm WOW'ed. The flow was great, and it was so true... yup... very deep... 5/5