Hidden thoughts in my journal

Thinking day and night
Trying not to put up a fight
Fighting these feelings and thoughts that are hidden deep down in my journal
Holding back this pain on the internal
Part of me wants to hold you so badly the other part just wants to love you more and more
I really can't take this anymore
Today I broke down and cried screaming your name hoping that this pain
Wouldn't cause me to go insane
these four walls fall the on me to confide me holding me back
and being without you is the happiness i lack
I began to write down these few thoughts not really expressing how I truly feel
These feelings I can't conceal
You're the one that I truly want and the one I truly need
To love to hold to recover to succeed
You promised me you would never hurt me
But yet this is the worst I have ever been through
And it was all because of you
Today I'll love you to day I'll reveal to you my
The fear of losing you forever
I can't hold on
These words scream out your name
these few thoughts I've written just seem to fade away
these words paint a picture a picture of happiness sadness and horror
can't confined myself no one to be my restorer
painted words in my journal
trying my best to keep this secret on the internal
fighting this feeling I can't hold back
Rainy nights home alone crying
And Inside I felt like dying
Hoping to one day find true love
And all along you've have been the obsession I've been dreaming of
Now I lay here all alone not hearing your voice
the voice which caressed me to sleep
now i don't hear a sound nor a peep
i miss you every part of your essense
i miss the warm embrace of your presences
i miss the feeling of you being strong and telling me everything would be ok
i miss your voice holding me together and the reason i smiled each day
you still are the dimple in my cheak
the twinkle in my eye and part of every loving word i speak that's one part of my journal thats happy and not a lie
these thought and feelings i shall keep on the internal
these thoughts and feelings are no longer hidden in my journal