Sense of Rebellion

I'm in a bad mood right now, here's some things about my life
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For years I was cheered for my musical talent
awards and praise became my name
Competitions gave me a sense of pride
Thinking, passion of music will remain

But slowly the tension grew and grew
And closer and closer I start to resent
The pressures of preparing and memorizing a song
And now, I understand what this meant

In 8th grade I jammed in 4 competitions
Forcing the music into my panting mind
The pressure, lonliness, and silent treatment
Left me an emotional and mental scar to remind

The opening to saddening and dark poems
no longer a shielded child as foretold
Became darker and rebellious against nature
A story of a happy girl revised and retold

So, I made the decision to take a break
And music became a less-hobby thing
Poetry and writing took up my new time
replenishing my soul and bringing harmony

But that time of competitions came again
Determined I won't join this time
But again, parents try to force my will
But I know in the end; the decision is mine

But I hate to disappoint those I love
But Since that year, I have became someone new
Unwilling to do something without contentment
Not wanting to do what other's tell me to

I'm tired of still trying to be the past me
just wanting to make peace in my mind and heart
Don't people understand the deep emtions I share?
People who never frown, eventually fall apart

Right now, I need to have my fun
to reborn my self-esteem which went so low
I need to find my purpose in doing what I do
And when I find that path, I'll know