The Breakdown Part II

We stayed there a while,
But i was a bad child
And caused us to be kicked out
My fault, i was a bit wild

But we went back home
And read the note on the door
EVICTED, thirty days
Mommy why cant we live here anymore?

So off to another shelter
Then to aunts
Then to uncles
And so on and so forth

House to House
City to City
School to school;
This was all normal for me

But as i laid on my bed
And reminisced on these events
I realize, it isnt normal
No one else had a life like this

Thats when it dawned on me
My life wasnt like anyone else's
Quite the opposite, woudnt u agree?
I was a, how you say, troubled child

Then i reminisced some more
So many images flooding my mind
I couldn't take it
So i admit, i cried, and i cried

I cried that whole week
Remembering everything
Everything i had repressed
Everything i had ignored

I also grieved
Grieved the loss of my abuelito
I hadnt before
Not one bit, not a tear to show

I remember the funeral,
I was so strong, so strong
Only cried when he was descending into the earth
Which is when i knew i had been wrong

I had thought it was all a lie
Convinced myself he wasnt dead
Believing this, helped my not to cry
And my cheeks not to turn red

But when i saw him
Being slowly dropped into the ground
I couldnt take it
And couldnt stop my sound

I cried and cried
I never got to say goodbye
I wish so much, wish to god, he knows i love him
I still can't help but think about it and cry

I wish i had said a proper goodbye
Wish i had knelt down on my knee
Kissed his hand
And said "Abuelito, te quiero, adios..."

I remembered it all
Reminisced my past
Winced at all the images i saw
And thought of all the hardships i have surpassed

At the time though,
I was still being abused
Abused my that filthy uncle in law
So much pain, so much agony

I couldn't take it,
Couldn't take the torment i felt inside
The only thing i knew was my name
My soul had slowly died

That's when it all started
The silence initiated it all
It's when it all started emerging
The day that began my downfall

Im so different now, you wouldnt recognize me
So cold inside, so aware
Aware of the horrid of this world
I began, god forgive me, to seek the razor

I sliced my arm
So many times
Im left with so many scars
Created my this horrible crime

I dont cut anymore
Thank the lord
Ive regained my hope, my faith
Im trying to have my life restored

I might be the girl you see so cheerful
But theres so much behind me smile
If you only knew
Ive been dieing all this while

But ill keep going
Keep on wishing for a better tomorrow
I know one day, one of these days
I will overcome this sorrow