Happy Birthday to you too...

Do you remember your birthday as a little girl?
Always wanting a pink pony
Or a Barbie doll
Its always so happy

I wish I had those memories
Every birthday I remember brings back pain
The loud fights and haunting screams
How badly it hurts to remember

I remember my 7th birthday
I was so excited to have a strawberry cake
It was white with flowers and strawberries on top
Something every little girl would want

The fighting begins
The fist fly
I hide away trying not to get involved
I knew this happiness wouldn't last

I think its safe and I come out
I was wrong... it wasn't time too
It seems to always be my fault
Out comes the spatula

Stinging in pain as it hits flesh
hurting so badly I wanted to die
Can you imagine a 7 year old wanting to die!?
You wouldn't think its possible

For heavens sake
was I that bad of a child
That I don't remember a single happy birthday?
That every year my cake was thrown on the floor

What does a child do thats so bad?
That would cause for them to have such extreme punishment
What person would do that to child?
To the point of bruising

How can I push past so much pain
That even as I write this tears stream down my face
Its hard to even write about it
I can't even bring myself to talk about it

It hurts so badly
I can feel each hit stinging my body
As I scream out in pain
As I feel blood rushing to that spot

Not understanding what I did so wrong
To deserve that
Thinking so hard apologizing for whatever I did
Only to feel another hit sting my body

To remember makes the pain so real
To look back makes it hurt ten times worse
Holding me back from trusting people
Holding me back from loving anyone again

Your family is supposed to care
Their not supposed to hurt you
Holding in all this pain and hurt
Makes my life so my worse

To let it out
Seems like it'd be the end of me
To hurt my family
Seems un-thinkable

Why do I protect the ones that hurt me?
I was only a little girl
I didn't know anything
I just want to know what did I do so wrong
I don't think this pain will ever be gone.