Just wanna know

Have you ever just sat and thought

about how love can turn to hate and hate to heartache

how does that happen how do we let ourselves become so indulgent in whatever it is we don't see it coming my ex boyfriend he broke my heart i still sometimes catch myself mid tear but then he ask for another chance but i told him no i couldn't deal with the up and down the tears the shock were there was a piece of me that expected to be hurting even after i had thought i healed then i meet this guy tony the way we meet and the drama we went thought was crazy but he was amazing i thought he was god telling me not to settle that exactly what i want is out there and he was exactly what i wanted if i was brave enough to admit it or not i had fell in love with him hard i loved him SO much i cared for him but i also took bullshit because i was blind I'm with her but i would love to be with you with Derick my ex there was no bullshit we were perfect till the end when he cheated and i always think did he cheat or was i too sensitive god blessed me to love twice and to be loved once by Derick tony always said he feel hard for girls and fast i never did i was never that naive to believe love was so quick so easy but 4 tony i fell hard so hard i broke my as$ its amazing i can tell this to millions of strangers but the ppl who mean most to me i cant tell my best friend, my ex ,tony i hurt so much inside to be loved that right now i feel like ill take nothing i just want some one to care for me i met a guy u know after tony and Derick he asked me had i ever been in love i said no Ive been hurt but when I'm really in love when someone really loves me i wont hurt his response was love is pain i wonder who hurt him Ive been hurt SO much that I'm numb to the pain u know it just i don't know and when i actually know what will i do with that info will i share it or will i just keep it to myself is there true love out there? and for ever one who says yes are u in love or are you in love with the concept of romance of cuddling of an excuse to have sex with someone and not be judged if you are in love what are u in love with?