Forever Broken... Even When I\'m Gone.

by Puerto_Rican_Chick   Feb 1, 2006


My emotions unfold.
My dreams crash and burn.
My own heart deceived me,
where did i make a wrong turn?

Every things broken,
from my home down to my heart.
Tearz never stop falling,
I show weakness cause i\'m falling apart.

It seems i\'ve been waiting forever
to see the up side on why I breathe.
Wanting happiness, love, hope,
but that\'s all in my dreamz.

Losing the motivation to try...
losing the strength to move forth.
Everyone is watching me fail,
and seeing me fall off course.

And when i leave no one will question
about the girl who disappeared.
No one will notice...
cause by me they always passed me clear.

That never bothered me though,
what did was my deceiving heart.
Cause even when I\'m gone
my heart is still gonna feel like it\'s falling apart.

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by Just_Andrew

    Good !

  • 19 years ago

    by Moose

    Pretty good..... but it looks like a WIP (work in progress) not saying its bad but it seems like you could probably get more out of this than you already have put in... With what was in there though you expressed plenty of emotion and played out the story very well

    A Suggestion: Find a better way for your 4th verse in just about every stanza... You have the first three verses in the first stanza all at the same beat and about the same sylablyes. Then when you get to the final part it kind of slows it down and throws the beat of course.

    Not Perfect But getting there i would definitly love to see how far you could take this poem if you took it to its fullest.

  • 19 years ago

    by The Poetic Child

    Excellent job....fantastic flow...Great rhyme...Great Detail..you got the whole package in there...Excellent job
    5/5
    ttyl sometime
    PeAcE
    ~The Poet~

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