Scars i need

The blade slides smoothly,
i feel the pain,
all the while,
inner pain is relieved,
it starts to flow,
real blood;my blood,
it dries,
it heals,
in a place- a scar,
all the while,
i realize,
this is real,
my life,
a body- alive,
i feel pain,
i get scars,
they are the constant reminder,
that this is all real,
all the while,
trying to make the scars enough,
to not need the process,
to believe I'm real.