Very good piece, you certainly have talent and i immensly enjoyed this piece! A suggestion is to becareful with "there" and "their" because you used the wrong one a couple of times and 'odor' i think is 'odour' but i could be wrong... Good luck with your writing and keep up the great work!!!

Hey hun. great wrk as usual. keep it up!

love me!!! XxXxX

Hun i would rate but im just in a weird mood and i dont want to take away from your good on going score... plus it would just be in the moment rating.. ill read more another day when im feeling better...
thank you for reading every new poem of mine that i make!!! its appreciated more than you know!
amanda

Wow, interesting poem you have there. I liked the you you explained what was going on and the feelings. Good stuff.