Behind the Lens

I'm the girl behind the camera,
looking through the lens,
Taking lots of pictures,
of people with their friends.

I'm the one who is hiding
behind the other scenes,
of fun and happy parties,
children, adults, and teens.

Why don't I feel like them?
Have they no concerns?
I wish I were worry free,
I try to forget, but the worries return.

Now it is time,
for a picture of me,
how come I look different?
I tried to smile and be free.

Yet behind my fake smile,
and behind my hazel eyes,
shows a face of pure sadness,
that I could not disguise.

I criticize this self portrait,
that makes me feel so blue,
I compare this photo with others,
Why can't I look happy too?

I throw away my photo,
and smash apart my mirror,
chips of broken glass are my life,
and the end is growing nearer.

I don't dare look at myself,
for looking at others make me bright,
One day I shall look like they do
or perhaps I will lose the fight.