Apologize

How do I tell you I'm sorry -
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so very much?

I do not ask forgiveness,
A comfort I'll never deserve.
I merely want to let you know,
But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you, face-to-face,
To look you in the eye,
To face your wrath, your apathy -
Too terrified to try.

You called me selfish, I turned away,
I festered and I fled;
Cutting and wounding and lashing out,
Just to see if you bled.

Betraying and deceiving you,
I surely had no right
To snatch away such a precious gem;
A dark thief in the night.

Four years and forever passed
To bring us to this day,
When I present these simple words
I never thought to say.

The time has come, it's long past due,
To put aside my fear;
Would this confession torture you,
Or have you longed to hear?

To hear those two forbidden words,
To vanquish all the pain,
To understand my dearest wish:
To know you once again.

The years aged me remarkably,
Though they have not made me wise;
I do know I erred irrevocably -
For that I apologize.