Bout wat happend yesterday....

by Chhavi   Feb 6, 2006


Blood gushing through mah vein,
bout yesterday how can i explain?
my heart beats were not so stable,
as we were sittin' across one table..
'TRUTH N DARE' we were playin'
darin' was 2 to wat otha was sayin'...
everyone was havin' fun..
n stuffs which we neva did were done..

I jus can't expain how i felt...

for few days his thots will surely sustain,
but irony part alwayz remain..
my frien felt like me, by now i guessed,
sum thots can't really b expressed..

i really don mind as 4 me it is a matta of a day or two,
but i cudn't jus help myself coz i felt it so true.....

i knew i was goin' out of mah way,
coz i jus wanted him 4 dat day..
his glares were so intoxicatin',
to b wid him i was jus waitin'.....

(THIS POEM IS KINDA IN COMPLETE COZ OF SUM REASON...SO IF U LIKE IT N WANNA SUGGEST AN ENDIN'..U CAN SEND ACROSS A MESSAGE N ALSO DO VOTE..)

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  • 18 years ago

    by stationaryfaerie

    I think what you have here is the base of a good poem, but I must critique. I love slang language and spelling as much as the next college student, but I think A) it was very overused in this poem's case and B) it really takes away from the poem. I had a very hard time reading it, and had to go back through a few times to get it to flow the way it would have if I didn't have to translate every other word. Besides that, I can't really give much other advice...
    ~S~F~

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