I think what you have here is the base of a good poem, but I must critique. I love slang language and spelling as much as the next college student, but I think A) it was very overused in this poem's case and B) it really takes away from the poem. I had a very hard time reading it, and had to go back through a few times to get it to flow the way it would have if I didn't have to translate every other word. Besides that, I can't really give much other advice...
~S~F~