Comments : Our Love

  • 18 years ago

    by  tEEo

    Just some constructive criticism; Some of your rhyming words didn't quite feel right, e.g. adorable and table. It has to do with the 1st syllable. There were a few lines that contradicted each other.

    "our love should have twists and turns"

    "during our love, there should not be any fuss."

    I would think people would prefer love to be straightforward, without twist and turns.

    "we should always tell the truth,not just during our youth."

    I would have thought old people were more inclined to telling the truth as opposed to young people. lol

    And well, this line... I must be interpreting it wrong...

    "you have such a beautiful face,
    and its not just bad taste"

    Maybe you should have written

    "and I have exquisite taste."

    Keep writing though! You're only 13 and that's really damn young! I didn't sstart writing poetry until i was 17. You'll be a pro simply in a matter of time.

  • 18 years ago

    by *Mi*Amor*

    How should i put to replace to adorable and table?