Elizabeth (Beth) was my Aunt, she dead when I was young and I still havent completely gotten over it, actually Ive gotten worse about it. Im not sure why but Im just so caught up on her death lately that its been distracting my everyday life and keeping me upset a lot of the time. So this is my attempt to deal with what has happen.
Im not even complete sure how old I was when she died but I remember it pretty clearly. I was probably about 7 or so and I can remember being with my Aunt Beth almost all the time, she was my best friend, and her son Chad, who Im now not allowed to see for certain reasons what I wont mention, he was probably my best friend and idol at the time. I wanted to be with him and like him all the time, and then after his mom died he just went all down hill and completely rebelled and left the family, which was pretty messed up at the time. But I dont think Ill ever be able to forgive him for leaving the family when I needed him most.
After years of my Aunt being sick from various illnesses cancer finally got the best of her. I remember walking into my grandmas house the day they shaved her head because the treatment was making her hair fall out, if you can imagine what that kind of stuff can do to a child. I also remember pretty well going to visit her close to before she died. I remember what she looked like, so skinny, pail, and constantly sick. I almost couldnt bear to see her like that; it was emotionally killing me because I was always anticipating her death. Then, the day she died my mom didnt want to tell me before school but unfortunately my friend already knew and immediately that morning came to comfort me. Of course I had no idea what she was talking about and wouldnt believe her when she told me. When I got home my mom told me what had happen. The first thing that ran through my head what oh my gosh my friend wasnt lying, and then I begin to cry. I cried myself to sleep for nights; I dont think anyone really knew how hurt I really was.
Its sort of a family tradition to wear things to the funeral that the person that died would like. So for her funeral I wear a blue dress with butterflies on it and a butterfly necklace, both of which I still have. I dont remember much of that day except that my grandma brought me and I didnt stay for the whole thing, I also remember a song they played it was In the Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLaughlin, which I listen to almost everyday.
My Aunt Beth was an atheist, like me, until she got really sick and started seeing things. And as you can imagine it was horrible for my grandma and grandpa to have to bury their child, well Im not to sure if my grandpa cared, but my grandma (me maw) was very upset about it. And not long after her health turned for the worse was well. I can remember as a child getting pulled out of daycare to go with my mom so my me maw could get her treatments, she has breast cancer, Im not to sure but I believe she beat it. Her health was bad for a few years before she actually died, she was revived many times. When she started getting really bad I can remember going to see her almost everyday and once she was really, really bad the adult wouldnt let me stay in the house with her to much because she was delusional a lot of the time. I can remember playing basketball with my cousin Chad and my sister, he wasnt suppose to but he kind of told me what was going on. Her death, as well, hurt me very much but for some reason I dont remember as much about her.
Now for the good, both of them always made me laugh. My me maws cooking was the best every, I can remember going to eat there for every holiday. My Aunts house was always fun to go to; she always had fruity pebbles which is my favorite brand of cereal. My aunt was a collector of stuffed animals and clowns, which I highly fear but they still remind me of her. Well, as you can probably tell I miss them both very much, love them with all my heart, and will truly never forget them.
