Andrew,

One question: Do all you're poems rhyme?

*Rhymes bug me personally...they seem to be forced about 80 % of the time, howver, you've done a great job on this particular poem=)*

Subject matter, if you can find a teen that cannot relate to this poem at all I'll give you a gold star, these are very very important lol,

*So many thoughts tempting, coursing through my brain,
And I have the Horseman's promise to release me from my pain
The pull inside remains, and I know it always will
But still i resist experiencing the last moment's sweet chill*

That utter hopelessness, and yet determination, i dont really know how to describe it lol, caught my eye, I've yet to see a poem put this subject in that context, well done=)

Keep it up, Sorry my comments like long and nonsense, but those are the best kind right?

Area to improve: ...Rhymes, play with some more structures, when you stick to one style to long you tend to get writers block faster in my experience=)

Hope thats helps
DA