I really liked this write. The only thing I wasn't keen on was the rhyme scheme, or the lack of it. Some lines rhymes abab others aabb and some not at all, that inhibited the flow considerably.
You had good use of descriptions, and the title is fantastic; a real eye grabber. I know it's hard to combine forces and write a poem with someone else. Everyone has their own style and when writing together you have to make them blend together, otherwise the poem doesn't flow. Overall, I think you achieved this very well. Well done.

I liked because I felt like I could picture the poem in real life, it was like you were describing a story in a poem, but you words were so descriptive I could visually see what you were trying to say

Heh, I definitely have to check out more of your twos poems. The way you write is so interesting. I think it's the first time I've seen an actually poem written like this. It kind of reminds me of when me and my friends would take turns writing lines ^_^.

Good work, I really enjoyed it.

-Tony