Now that I think about it, you've put me through just about everything.
You showed me how it felt to be loved, feel important, needed, beautiful, and intelligent, mature, and everything else.
You show me how it felt to be treated like crap. Getting angry at me for no apparent reason, breaking up every single day and getting back together, yelling at me and putting me down.
From you, I found out how it felt to cry over a guy. Ten times a day, for a whole week. You affected my health, you almost killed me.
I wouldn't have learned the importance of the truth if it weren't for you. I lied, and paid for it. I paid with countless tears, a broken heart, and cut marks on the wrist.
I never knew how it felt to get all nervous and jumpy all because of one person; for good and bad. Heart beating every time you replied in the beginning, and now, getting super nervous every time you leave me a message; because I never know what will happen next.
Every time something bad happens, something worse is around the corner. I have problems that are small to me, they'd be huge to other people, but I have no time to worry about them, you're always throwing new things to worry about at me.
You also used my past mistakes to make me feel like crap. Even when we were still together, you admitted you loved me less because what I did, and that hurts. It hurts knowing I was once everything to you; your first priority, finding out you don't love me as much. Then, you tell me that you have feelings for someone else and every time I got mad over that, my mistakes were used against me; so either way, I lost. Everything was my fault.
Hell, you even made me feel like dirt when I tried to cut because it hurt so bad knowing that you had feelings for someone else. I hardly cut, but yet you still wondered, "what happened to the girl who said she'd never cut?" When I broke my promise, I got hell. When YOU broke YOUR promise, I had to be all nice and sweet because I didn't want you mad.
Oh, and of course, how could I forget that week or so of you being pissed off every single day? I was there to comfort you and try to make you feel better; even though it resulted in me being hurt and you hating me more. You really need to learn to appreciate things.
You're really something special. You manage to hurt me in a way like no other, then right when I've had enough, your old self resurfaces and you tell me how much I supposedly mean to you. When you have a heart as broken as mine, you fall easily, so every time you tell me that you're sorry and all that crap, I fall for it every time.
You know, I honestly don't even know when this started and that stopped. Everything is just a blur. I don't even remember when we officially broke up...
And, oh, last but not least, you let me go, but still held on just enough so that I'd think we'd be together again, and you go off and have a secret relationship with someone I hate with a burning passion. You hide things, and I find out the hard way, and it kills me. You're with her, you're telling us both you love us. It hurts watching someone you love, be with someone else.
And you know what? After all this, I STILL love you. I finally let my guard down, and trusted you with almost everything. I thought I could fall in love and not get hurt. Maybe God was finally going to let me be happy. Deep down I knew it wasn't true. So why am I so surprised that I'm here heartbroken and you moved on even before we broke up? You know, one day I’m not going to accept your apologies anymore. Maybe one day I’ll be able to get over you.
