Scared

Every time i go to bed,
i lie awake and cry.

I'm scared of what happened,
but don't know who to talk to

i wish i can turn to the blade,
to erase the memory

because i am scared to love someone,
because my past is holding me back.

i am trying to forget about the memories,
but i am just remembering then as if it was yesterday

i am always laughing,
but at the same time i am scared

no one can see the scaredness in my eyes,
but i sometimes wish someone could

i feel so incomplete,
i am scared of being in love again,
because i am scared of being used again.

i do not know what to do,
do not know who to turn to,
because i cant let the past fade away,
cutting seems what i should do,
because thats the only way i can forget about it