Never Enough

I hate the way my trousers fit
And stomach muscles aren't as defined
I hate the way I see myself
Don't tell me it's all in my mind

Every hour in itself is a struggle
Thoughts going back to the way that I've been
Believe me I don't want to go back there
Honestly, I don't want to give in

Don't judge me on my behavior
And think what you know is right
Don't force beliefs upon me
When I've thought this most of my life

I didn't chose to be like this
I wouldnt wish it on anyone
I know the point where it started
Remember the moment this all began

But it seems my body is getting damaged
Whether I'm eating or not
With muscles constantly aching
To think of food with a stomach in knots

You can't understand what I'm seeing
So please, simply don't try
I know the way that you think of me
That if I had a choice, I'd no doubt still lie

I'm determined not to go back there
But sometimes it really gets rough
Yes I know I'm smaller than some
But don't you know? It's never enough

Sometimes the glass is half full
But the water gets murky and old
It's tiring treading the water
With no lifeline or hand to hold

I've been this way for so long
I don't know if I can change inside
Part of me still doesn't want to
It was my blanket, my escape
It was my life

It's only been 2 months since I've chosen
Figured this isn't how I wanna be
I guess happiness won't come in the instant
I choose that this isn't the right way for me

I know people think I'm vain. God, if they knew what I see when I look in the mirror.

To the future. *clink*