IT A GOOD START BUT IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE ALOT YOU WANT TO EXPRESS BUT YOUR HOLDING BACK.

I't needs some work, and a bit more structure.
try taking everything you are feeling at the moment and putting it in to words, if you use more sensory imagery you can actually achieve making the reader see and feel what is going on in your mind, and or heart.

I't needs some work, and a bit more structure.
try taking everything you are feeling at the moment and putting it in to words, if you use more sensory imagery you can actually achieve making the reader see and feel what is going on in your mind, and or heart.