Silent suicide

I know its long but please take the time to read-would really appreciate it and any comment. its one of the first things ive written.

He cloaked my eyes, my realisation. Clasped my restraints, took on authority, stripped my naked bare and shaking. He pleasured in this game, this masturbation. Tormenting my senses, loves poverty. Carelessly misused me scared and braking-if you saw what my inner eye remembers, youd bleed for me, as I bleed because of you all with diseased eyes and judgemental minds. Well hold time, the click of your thoughts as you spring to conclusions. When I shy away, my timid retreat, so scared, so scared of claws, youre hissing and spitting as I pitifully squeak, scared to be heard, a shaking mouse down at the cats feet.
I am so alone I could be extinct, so I disguise my traits to try and fit in. conceal my expression with a false grey skin, my canvas to pastel and paint a convincing design across my deceiving face. An alter ego protecting me, confining me away. As I suffocate in my secrete, silent, insane. Confiding me from you, distancing from me, inside myself so confused, my own personality I can no longer perceive. How can I let anyone get close when i'm sunk in secrecy, the keeper of my own key, defending my own claustrophobic solidarity? My sight is blurred to logic-but not as blind as all of you-as I cant interpret these emotions surging my soul through and through.
Please! Im screaming in desperations breathless cal, but the clinking of my chain links overrides the noise as I struggle an fall. Submerged in this erratic confusion, Im sinking; im sinking below this rouge surface as my wrists I keep slitting. And as my entire being bleeds the seas, but none of this anyone ever seems to see. Well why am I trying to live when im just living to die? When to be happy I have to tediously try, try and try. Whist my genetic alleles are so recessive and flawed compared to the apparent superiority of you all. As the aged grey hands of authority slid over my trembling and innocent thighs, plagued by this memory curse, I am repulsed, instinctively lashing and slashing at myself. Well id like to see how you would deal with these hauntings and ghosts, with this poltergeist inside you, manipulating its host. These vision nightmare waves keep lapping over in my mind, constantly occurring as the moon conjures a tide. As this salt water engulfs me, it must be seeping in and stinging everyone�s eyes, as they are too blind to see me, and so, I must die.
I am mangled and mutilated with these frenzied cries, but still no one seems to listen, so I will have to make them hear with their eyes. I may be inadequate in every dimension, crumbling and worn, but no longer ill let them have my emotions, already so torn. I have been desiring, pining, yearning for so long, hungering for love. But instead everyone shoves me away-pushing me down, lower, under, deeper, gone. I cant breath; cant find air in the dark of this place. Engulfed in viscous mud, trudging, wading, sinking through, buried, gone. My freed self smiles at a hollow reflection as my eyes peer back up, higher, further to where you all stand-through the glazed, distraught surface, the solemn separation. I gaze up through afar. Is the water dancing from their tears or mine? Did I drown or was I buried alive? Hollow I remain, dismembered in agony. I hope it will lesson, fade, just go away. Pour out through these ripples- ululating my lonely pain-silent, insane. Silent, insane.