This is very well expressed, really well written (though not sure on rhyming "know" with "know" at the end). great flow and very powerful feelings.

5/5

i know you must be feeling really p***ed off at the moment, beleive me i've been there, but try not to be too hard on your friend they were obviously just worried about you and proabally didn't realise how you were feeling. things might get better now anyway (i know i hate it when people say that too, but think i know why they do now as i cannot think of anything better to say).

anyway the poem is fantastic.

A sad and emotional poem, showing your state of hoplessness but you'll get throught this in time.
I liked the poem, well written.
Take care and be strong.
Love Tara-Kay

OK firstly, I certainly do NOT agree with the message at the end, it is not right to say DO NOT LET ANYONE KNOW as if people let other know how terrible they were feeling many would recover from depression rather than end up commiting suicide, it is something that not many people genuinely consider but if they do remember you are nothing but DEAD, it is the most selfish act you can commit, I am speaking from experience as I have spent nearly 6 months in a mental institution due to being suicidal, Now to the poem, the poem itself was very good, though the form was simple you kept to it well and the flow was in general uninterupted, I enjoyed the stanzas and found myself hooked..

"It was just to much to handle
Another break in my heart
I couldn't take it any longer
it was just too torn apart"

My little nitpicking would be "to" in line one should be "too" and I think for the last line rather than "it" you should use "I"

Also this stanza
"They hooked me up to a bunch of machines
and shoved a tube down my throat.
They stuck the needles everywhere
as the charcoal slowly slid down, and my head began to float."

The last line is just too long I think perhpas if you remove "as the charcoal slowly slid down" that would improve the smooth flow of this poem

Overall it was a good poem though I did not agree with the message at the end, I enjoyed reading it and would say you could improve upon it but not too much, well done 4/5..

Please understand that by giving you my opinions and suggestions I am not trying to offend you but help you grow as a writer and a person, please take the time to read the whole comment!

Take care
xxxx

Wow just wow im blown away how deep this poem goes and relates to me 5/5

Wow.. i really love this.. its my fav. 5/5

I am very sorry that you feel this way but if its any concilalation at all this was a brilliant poem. The raw, true emotion really shone through well done. Please don't try to take your life, I've tried a couple of times but realised that what's waiting for me after i die isn't much better than what I've got now. Take care of yourself

All the Best
Sondos

Omg, that was the best poem i EVER read! 5/5

Omg, that was the best poem i EVER read! 5/5