Very deep, so chilling, so sad, I want to reach out yet I can not for it is the light I fear

I can tell you my heart hurts,
people laugh me, make fun of me,
my heart hurts from being broken
I was mean to my mom now she is gone, my dad doesn't say much to me
and soon i'll get my operation maybe one day you, your gf and me can get together and you can give me a hug I don't want her to be jealous because i think she loves you very much but is afraid