Why?

Why does death show up
when least expected?
Why do the dearest in your heart
fade away into the darkness?

Why does this tension wash over us
when we are so closely tied?
why do we hurt so much
when we are loved so much?

Why do we shut out the truth
when its easier to hear the lies?
Why do we endure such suffering
when healing is right in front of us?

Why do we love so much
and get persecuted by it?
Why don't we make peace with others
when it is most needed?

Why did God love me so much
that he would send his son to die?
why would He care so much
for a screw-up like me?

Why? That is a question I often ask myself, and God. I try to tell myself everything is OK, but it isn't. My life is a blur that only One can see clearly. I have no purpose or place in the world, without God. And though I know he is there, cheering me on in life. I don't feel it.