Im gone, so stop screaming

Your the first thing that comes into my head
after the adrenaline rush, of course
but there you are
calm and beautiful in my mind
because you were the only one who tried
who tried to stop me from self-mutilation
and i did
for a little while
but your hold on that part of me is gone
and the blood is back
helping me cope with the loss of you
and the past i am forced to remember
and the present im trying to kill
and the future i no longer have