Love I never had

What if I gave up?
Would anything change?
Would I be happy?
Would I have something to do?
Would I ever get anywhere?

What if I keep going?
Will I fail everytime?
Will I convince myself of something else?
Will the shivers disappear?
Will my knees become strong again?

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to lose the hope.
I'm afraid to lose the feeling.
I'm afraid to let go.
I'm afraid to lose.

I can't say goodbye to the love I never had.

It exists somewhere, though I cannot piece it together.

I cannot do this on my own.
I'm tired of my one woman show.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
I cannot create a reality with my wishing and dreaming.

Good bye little girl,
good bye dreamer.

Open my heart, let it fly away,

the love I wish I had,
The love iron clad,
That love I never had.