Not Over Him

Please tell me I am
I don't care anymore right?
My heart doesn't want him
I don't cry anymore at night.

Please tell me I don't love him
I can't, I won't
I don't have anymore love
Please tell me I don't.

When she asked to make sure
That I didn't love him anymore
I told her my feelings are different
Not the same as before

The truth was then revealed
She told me what he said
"He likes me."
It felt like my heart went dead

I acted happy for her
Trying to hide the hatred inside
In this situation, I was alone
There was no one who I could confide

Everyone thought I was over him
I thought that, too
But when I saw him again
I wanted to say, "I love you."

I didn't understand, so confused
If I still felt something
Then how come it doesn't bother me
Anymore when he says nothing

Or when he doesn't say hi
And sometimes not notice me
How come I feel no irritation
Until I see her come, him smiling happily?

Every time he looks at her
With such caring eyes
I start to wonder if everything said
Was everyone's lies

She was bothered by his feelings
At that moment, I wanted to kill someone
The battles were always between us
She always simply won

She didn't have to do anything
Just acted like herself
I guess they just like her more
Putting me back on the shelf

She's my big sister, I love her
But sometimes I feel such hate
I start to want to b i t c h
At this thing people call fate

FATE, it slowly pulled apart my world
FATE, it smashed my heart
FATE, it's the thing that destroyed me
FATE, tore my loves and I apart

That jerk at my heart
When I see everyone rooting for him
They want them together
Not noticing my light growing dim

The support they have to help
I act like I want them together, too
But in reality, I hate it all
Only thing is, I don't know what to do

So I simply sit there
Feeling guilty and pain
As I already have a boyfriend
Protecting me from the rain

I watch him cover her with his T-Shirt
While he's simply in a wife beater
I wanted to slap them both
As we entered the move theater

I felt my jealousy arise more
As his smile grew bright
I'd never seen him so happy
Never seen such a strong light

In all the years I've known him
Longer than anyone in our "pack"
Yet he always leaves me behind
All I see is his back

The gentle look in his eyes he had
Every time he looked me in the eyes
Is now given to her, leaving my alone
As my strong light dies

Everything supportive I say
It's all fake, I'm not happy
I feel guilty, as I continue wishing
That they aren't meant to be

So far the praying has paid off
They aren't together.... YET
And when she feels the same
Their being together, I won't let

I'll do anything to tear them apart
I don't care what I have to do
Just please don't let them together
Don't let him say, "I love you."

Wait... what am I saying?
I don't love him anymore right?
Please tell me I don't feel anything
Don't let me continue crying at night.

Tell me I'm not jealous
My big sister, I don't hate
Let her fall in love with him
It's not too late

Seeing them together
I'll be happy, right?
I won't care about anything
Just support them, right?

I don't love him anymore
The jerks at my heart
The jolts of pain in my chest...
It doesn't mean anything, right?

The way I used to care so much
Every time he loved another girl
Those feelings aren't here anymore
Please tell me I'm right.

I'm not over him...
Am I?
[c] 2O05