I like this poem. I rated it a 5, but I think there are some things that need to be changed. You ended a little weak, I think it could be a little bit better.

And also, the tell me why...tell me why... thing would od great for a repetitive effect, I think you should add it again somewhere.
Great job, awesome flow.

Now this one is really goood. I loved it... great job!!!

::MELI::

Kool

Great job aga!!!!!!!!

love
micky