All to waste

Those things I said to you,
the morning after.
Thoughts for you,
never me, just you.
I spent those few past nights,
sitting alone, crying alone.
I gained the strength to talk to you,
I didn't know what to say,
but I thought I did.
It's just me and you walking here,
my heart on my sleeve,
awaiting your response,
from my stupidity.
More thoughts flooding my mind,
what will you say, will you forgive me.
I'm so afraid,
will it all go to waste?
Will you care, see the redness in my eyes,
see the pain I put myself through.
All for making that mistake,
mistake of losing you.
Crying myself dry,
sitting alone just thinking of you.
Yesterday I was confused,
and clearly out of my mind.
I ended us without a real reason,
and you seems alright.
We acted okay,
though we both knew it was killing us both.
You held me high,
I just didn't see it.
I cared for you and you did for me,
but I was blind for not seeing the signs.
I want to just go back in time,
to that dreadful night before it all went down.
To see you, to hug you,
to call you mine.
But I jepordized it all,
it may all go to waste.
It's up to you,
don't feel sympathy for these tears,
listen to what you think it right.
I may have put it all to waste or lost everything,
everything, and one I held close.
Again.