What A Day!!!

Well I had a bad day yesterday
So decided I'd just go to bed
And when I awoke with new hope for today
Rolling out, I tripped and hit my head.
I couldn't stop the bleeding
It was gushing everywhere
And as I raced for the bathroom
I fell down the stairs!
I hobbled for the kitchen
For a pack of ice
Then I felt some itching on my scalp
And soon discovered lice!!!
So I headed for the drugstore,
Looking for something to scratch my itch
and on the way, furthest from home
I ran off in the ditch
Now I was looking beautiful
Needless to say I'm sure
And the hottest cop I've ever seen
Walked up and I mumbled hello sir..
Miss I'll try to help you
But do you know your license is expired and you're not wearing your seat belt?
He called the wrecker, gave me some fines
Oh my God, you don't know how bad I felt.
I called my mom for sympathy
When I got back home
She chewed me a new asshol*
And said Michelle, I thought that you were grown!
A lecture on responsiblity
Didn't soothe my aching, itchy head
So I went to the bathroom cabinet
Looking for some meds
When I arrived there
I found an empty bottle on the floor
Seems the dog had gotten in there
And was laying passed out on the floor
So I called the vet and asked him for some help
He started then to tell me
But that's when I heard a yelp
Inadvertantly to be sure
I had stepped on the poor dogs tail
I guess he was going to be alright
And then I just began to wail...
God, it's only 10am, for Christ!
What more do you have in store...
And I should have known better to ask that
For I heard a knock upon the door.
Ma'am we have a delivery
Will you accept it?
And as I opened the package
All I could say was "what's the HE*L IS this sh*t??"
It was a few items I had left at my boyfriends
He had had enough of me
And decided our relationship to end.
Ok that's it, I've had enough
Valium, and back to bed
I'm shutting off the ringer too
Maybe tomorrow I'll try again...

Ok...I'm not QUITE this bad...but wanted to try my hand at funny..hope it was alright! :) michelle