Nothing is what it seems

You don't understand me
I don't know if you ever will
My life is all a mistake
I don't know what I feel

Inside of me theres nothing
Nothing left of me anymore
except a scared,sad,lonely girl
Who can't face her life like before

theres not a chance anymore
Every mistake I ever made
I'm sorry for hurting people
The regret will never fade

Every things falling now though
My world is collapsing around me
I'm falling into somewhere
I don't like what i feel and see

I thought you really loved me
But i messed everything up again You were the one thing i really wanted
To free myself from all the pain

I can't take much more of this
Everything i touch just goes wrong
My life is one huge disaster
Maybe it would be best if i was gone

I haven't been myself at all
I felt the need to hide the real me
I kept my real feelings a secret
All I've done is worn a mask recently

Every time I've hurt you
you've never been the reason why
I'm too scared that you won't love me
I guess it was all just one big lie

Every smile and laugh fake
Every happy face a lie
Every time I've said I'm fine, I'm not
Its just the only way i thought to get by

I can't take it anymore though
I've let it all go
He ruined my last feeling of happiness
He's hurt me more than he'll know

I want to start all over now
Start everything once again
when I'm happy with my life
when inside theres no more pain

I want to have a heart thats whole
No cracks that won't go away
I want to feel the love and happiness
that all seems so far away

I hate myself right now
When i look into the mirror i frown
I see a fat and ugly girl
With no way up just down

I feel like i have nothing to look forward to
Like i have no one that will care
I know that i do have people
but i hate the way they stare

When i stand their crying
when my protective front breaks down
When my misery seeps through
When i sink down through the ground

They just stare at me and don't understand
Why i cry these tears
the little comments and snide remarks
they've made throughout the years

they are part the problem
they just don't realize at all
They are one of the reason I'm not happy
They are part of the reason i fall

I act like I'm the princess
A spoiled little girl with dreams
Like I'm always going to be happy
But in reality nothings what it seems

*really rubbish but I have to get it out somehow*