Sweet poem i really like it.It reminds me of a movie but i can\'t remeber what it is. owell great poem
luv ya ttyl

I really like the story line. It's quite intriguing and kept my interest.
However, you have a lot of words that aren't needed and it breaks the flow. There is also alot of repitition of these un-needed words that water down the emotion, so to say.
I'd put my suggestions in this comment but it would be very time consuming. If you want, private message me and I'll tell you my thoughts...
Take care and keep it up~Holly