First of all, thank you for reviewing my poem. You're my first reviewer on this site.

Onto your poem.

It's quite an interesting and rather intriguing poem. It starts off brilliantly and the reader is instantly drawn into the poem. Good job on that.

The only criticism I have to make is that at times the rhyme doesn't flow and seems forced. But that can happen to the best of us so no real worries :)

That's all I really have to say. Keep up the good work!