Salvation is only a razorblade away

It helps them ease their pain
so if i try it will i gain
or will i just be sucked into a spiral
of endless shame coated in denial
the scars soon enough will heal
as day go on, lessening my every meal
theres so much to take but nothing to give
i just dont see why i should live
my laughter is hollow, my smiles half hearted
pieces of me taken from friends long departed
if i took myself, would God forgive?
coz i just dont see why i should live
to deal with me seems such a chore
my every problem a constant bore
so pathetically unstable
i dont think that i am able
to walk this earth much longer
coz always do i wonder
why god loves to screw me over
drop the bomb and run for cover
shatter all of my defenses
then leave me with the consequences
Im sick of trying to hide the tears
im sick of trying to face my fears
im sick of friends who say they care
im sick of them never being there
i want to look into the mirror
and not recoil back in horror
at the sad mess before my eyes
built on foundations of lost hopes and lies
hopefully the end of my era
is slowly drawing ever nearer
so, if im to face my eternal master
i can only pray it happens faster