Passerby

Hey there,

I love what you are saying in this piece, but i feel the flow is akward in that you might wanna look at the syllable count of each line so that each stanza feels balanced.

Also, and please don't feel like i'm slamming you [You joined Kaitlins group for good feedback right?] there is very little metaphor in the poem..it's all black and white...very simple to understand...and whilst this can be interesting on occassion..the poem feel more like a blunt rant because of this.

Kevin.

Awesomeness. i love it. the way it sounds and what it means. except the last stanza..idk it sounds funky to me. just being honest. good job.

Liked the first stanza a lot, though it should end 'dreaded'

the only thnimg i'd change in the second stanza is 'ceases'.. more gramatically correct...

liked the third stanza but ends sorta vaguely, 'final line'...

i like the fourth stanza a lot, prolly the most, though i'd change "then" in line 7 to "now"..

seemed like the ending lefta lot out, like it wasnt in the same caliber as the rest of the poem.. you definitely have your own poetic voice to you,.. pZ out :)

Fabulous once again. Your talent never ceases to amaze me! I really liked this one. It has a good message, and you portrayed it very well!

I thought it was great but I think you were supposed to make some words plural in it. I also think it maybe could have been broken up a bit more. The meaning was clear and wonderful. though, and that's what's important.