Sweet Suicide

The rain pounds against the window
my face is pressed against the glass
I look to the world beyond my own
One that has never accepted me for who I really am
I hold a bottle of whiskey in my left hand
A razor blade in my right
Trembling with every tear fallen from my eyes
The pain from deep within engraved into my skin
Words unspoken embedded into my legs
Daily wrist checks don't bother me much
I hide my scars under layers of clothing
And bunched up accessories
What did you think I wore these sweaters and bracelets for?
Everyday, people look at me with disgusting looks
I smile as I walk by, but I'm slowly dieing inside
Superficial realities hit me hard
Lost within the black hair and porcelain cheeks
I changed my ways once, I changed my ways twice
But you've got to be kidding me if you think I'll do it again
There's no getting over the past, no matter how hard I try to forget it
I push it to the back of my mind, but it sticks with me in everything that I do
With every step I take "you're a mistake" beats it's way through my bleeding mind
Hurtful words eat away at my insides
My heart is shattered and torn, falling deep into my stomach
A wall built up inside, not so easily broken apart
But slowly, I will pull peoples bloody knives out of my wounded back
Drowning my sorrows in the alcohol
Letting go of my fears within the razorblades
But don't worry about me, I will be fine
I don't need anyone anymore
I can survive with my painful memories
And I can let myself go in my sweet suicide.

© Jenna Elphick
March 20, 2006