Not a poem just some feelings....

Do you know how much i miss you? do you know how much pain Ive been through because of you?...... or even how many tears Ive shed for you? Ive tryed so hard to get you back for almost 2 years now. it was only supposed to be for a little while, it was a break..... just some time apart. then you decided you wanted to be with her... we still talked, we were still friends, i still came over, but then...... then all the sudden we didn\'t, we didn\'t hang out any more and then we didn\'t talk any more. after a while not only did we not talk, but we weren\'t aloud to talk...... because for some reason... she didn\'t like me. i was still friends with the girls and your mom was still cool with me. now shes not and me and the girls arnt allowed to talk....... you guys were just boyfriend and girlfriend, but then all the sudden.... you loved her... and then she lived with you....... and now shes pregnant with your first child............... when did all this happen? where was the time?..... how and why? i dint understand.... i blinked my eyes for one second and now your gone. where did the time go?.... did it just disappear? did we disappear with it? is any thing ever gonna be ok again?..... are we gonna move past this and start are lives over?..... will it ever happen? and if it doesn\'t... will i be ok? will i move on?..... will i find love again? i just don\'t know what to do..... I\'m sitting here thinking and I\'m just so lost. every thing hurts so bad....... and none of thies feelings are going away. you were my first love...... my only love. the way i feel about you i just cant explain. i used to sit there and just start crying...... because i loved you so much. since you left me Ive tried.... so hard to love some one else in the way that i loved you but it never works..... i tell them i love them.... i tell them we\'ll be together for ever... i talk about the future and i talk about my love...... but the only thing thats ever going through my mind...... is you. does that mean some thing?.... or am i just wishing apon a star that has fallen from the sky? and will no longer grant me my one true wish. some times... when no ones around i pretend that your here with me. and nothing ever went wrong..... just like we were..... some times..... i can still feel you rapping your arms around me... and holding me, calling me your baby girl and telling me you loved me....... more then any thing in this world. i would give any thing to here you say thoughs things again.... why did all this have to happen?... why me? why with you? is it some thing I\'m supposed to learn from? am i being punished for some thing?... do i really deserve this? am i that horrible of a person? i don\'t think I\'m ever gonna be ok again.... i really don\'t. because.....without you i don\'t wanna be ok.... i don\'t wanna move on, not without you!! there is no one else! no one else in this entire world.... that could ever make me feel as special or as loved as i was.... when i was with you..... all the memories all the magic moments..... there never gonna be erased.... and they can never be replaced... with any one else. well...... i cant write any more.... it hurts to bad to think about you... so..... i guess ill talk to you another time. i just need to go lay down......good night, good bye love always...... your baby girl..... i hope