It seems like you wrote this right after a fight or something because it's full of emotion and rage. The thing is it's not really set like a poem at all because of the fact that you were just letting it all out at once, I find that if I write and think about what I'm writing it calms me down and also that it doesn't come out as a jumble. So nice job but next time just think about what your doing and try to use the emotion to put a powerful punch into words.