I hate it

I watch you every day,
Knowing you're not mine.
I hate watching you smile and laugh,
And knowing that it's not me you're directing it toward.
I hate walking behind you in the halls,
Wishing I was there next to you holding your hand.
I hate seeing you sit there,
Without me under your arm.
I hate watching you go to class,
Not stopping to give me a hug and a kiss.
I hate imagining my lips touching yours,
And instead, walking away with your eyes to the floor.
I hate thinking of not having that heart warming hug,
As you just walk around the corner.
I hate missing the poking and the tickling,
And the laughter and the hugs soon after.
I hate knowing I hurt you through this all,
Hoping that I can soon fix it.
I hate thinking that we're "friends",
Yet, not actually being one.
I hate having to try and understand what I'm feeling,
And what I'm thinking,
What I want, and what I need.
I hate knowing that I'm not yours,
And you being mine.
I hate it all...
The hurt and the pain, that I've caused us both,
And the confusion... I can't stand it.