As I sit here each night
I think about the times you took away my tears
you were always there
to help me get through my fears
I remember those times
I would sit here and rely on you
crying all my misery
afraid of what I was about to do
I look into the mirror
and hate what I've become
I can't take this anymore
I know I am done
"I don't need you"
isn't that what we all declare
yet I continually find myself in this place
especially when I say that life isn't fair
I'm better than this
I don't need you at all
I have to be strong
I won't succumb to the call
I think back to the thoughts
of when you would consume my mind
to all of my pain and suffering
you made me blind
you were always there for me to count on
never there to cross examine
I keep struggling in this battle
that I am never going to win
I take you out
and hold you in my hand
unless you have been there
there's no way you can understand
you were always there for me
when no one else was
you never turned the other cheek
on me, just because
you didn't ignore me
you understood what I had to say
you were always by my side
even on my really bad days
as I sit here and think
I stare at the glisten
the blade would always call me
but I said I wouldn't listen
I put the blade to my pale skin
but suddenly there's a knock at my door
I am caught off guard
as I drop the blade to the floor
who is that
why are they here currently
they were never there before
why can't they just let me be
putting the razor somewhere secure
leaving it there for me to come back to
when that will be, I'm not really sure
they come, they leave
like everything else in my life
the only thing I can ever count on
my loyal trusty knife
as I begin to get tired
I slowly toward my bed
I look down upon my arms
nothing is painted red
I have beaten this
or so I'd like to believe
maybe just once more
then maybe my problems will leave
I go back to the dresser
pick up the blade
I think back to my choices
and the mistakes I have made
do I really want to do this
do I really want this pain again
I should put it down
I shouldn't give in
I take the razor out
look it right in the eye
I sit on my bed
as I break down and cry
I remember these nights
when I would say just one more time
there were nights I thought the cutting would end
but then I'd get other thoughts in my mind
tears falling down my cheeks
not wanting to be here
disgusted with my life
can't even look at myself in the mirror
trying to face who I am
and forget what I have done
nights like these my world drifts away
and my body completely numb
but now these night don't happen as often
I'm still trying to fight this lie
that I should just give up
give in and die
I don't want this for my life
and now I finally see
squeezing the blade
I whisper the words "Please just let me be"
I put the razor back
and decide to close the drawer
I smile and think to myself
this is my first step and I'm not like before...
