I like it so far.
you've chosen a unique and thought provoking concept, and have portrayed it well thus far.
some great word play and imagery here.
i look forward to the finnished product. well done and keep it up!
take care - hannah

This was actually really good! You did a great job for not having written something for a while. You used alot of big powerfull words, Which made it alot more exciting, The flow of it was just right, And you had a great rhyme scheme! Overall, I think it was awesome. Keep it up! 5/5

luv natalie x-x

Death\'s - may want to get rid of the slash
I loved the poem, sometimes the rhyme was a bit iffy, but it didnt really deduct from the final thing!