Torn

Today
someone walked with me
talked with me
it was nice while it lasted,
I was seen
my heart shouts out in glee
but after he leaves
I am reminded
that it doesn't ever happen
and that
I'm just invisible
I'm never seen
never heard
never thought about
I'm the one who
no one knows
I think once again
I wish I were seen
I wish that someone
somewhere
would care
I wish that I could
be upset and sad
without people worrying
and that someone
somewhere
would see I'm not mental
that maybe
I just need a friend
I was thinking
about the note I wrote
earlier today
"I committed suicide because
no one was there
and no one cares.
If someone
would have stopped me
and just said hello
it might not have happened
but no one can see me
no one does care.
Love,
Kat"
and yet
people do care
people do know
I exists
so I am asking myself this
why do I feel
like I am all alone
why do I feel
like if I disappeared
no one would notice?
why do I feel like
my army is just me
and my aides have all been shot?
and so I ask myself
if you have friends
and if they care
then why aren't they here?
and that I can not answer....
but I know
that if they could have been
they would have been
and so I'm torn between two thoughts