My Monody

To you I introduce this monody
Of an awfully subverted soul
Making its way by using its tragedy
Wondering and pondering its true goal

Wishes and hopes have never helped
All they did is made me optimistic
They were never really felt
All I felt is me being pessimistic

I wonder what is the reason for your mystifying acrimony
While I was ready to outpour my blood
I wonder why can't I stop this awful agony
And stop my outspread blood from making a flood

I really find it hard to carry on
And much harder to rejoice
This is the main reason for me to be dead and gone
When days pass and I don't hear your voice

I sometimes wonder.. if I reached my death
By drinking poison or commit suicide
Or even by calling your name until I'm out of breath
Would you realize that I already died?

I wonder when I'm gone and dead
Would you come and visit me at my funeral?
Or would you ignore me instead
Because loving you made me a criminal

I ask myself if they would bury me using a shovel
Or would they just throw me away
I don't know if in my life I was a noble
But all I know that being with you would've made me stay

Now is the time where I should try and take you off my mind
I should've known that loving you will get me to this situation
Where I can't see anything as if I'm blind
But now I know that I got a brain to think with and not to think with my sensations

By now I should be resting in my grave
So when you hear my name just say "rest in peace"
Even if you don't really mean it but this is what I crave
And now I'm dead so this chance you got to seize